How to Raise an Adult


What really matters when it comes to helping a child become a competent, confident and caring adult?

During 10 years as Dean of Freshmen at Stanford University, author Julie Lythcott-Haims took notice of the escalating number of high-achieving students who lacked the self-reliant skills needed to become competent adults.

In her acclaimed book “How to Raise an Adult,” she turns to research and draws from her experience with Stanford students to explain how parents can help rather than hinder their children’s ability to acquire the skills needed for independent, successful living.

Bainbridge parents and educators will have an opportunity to hear author Julie Lythcott-Haims’ observations and recommendations in person by joining her and Raising Resilience at BHS Commons on Wednesday, February 3, 7:30 – 9 p.m. for the upcoming presentation.

Families with children of all ages will benefit from  her message. It is never too early to help children build the skills needed to become thriving adults.


Learn more by clicking here.



Summer Enrichment?

SummerWhat are the summer plans for your family? Wouldn’t it be wonderful if Bainbridge Island was a place where a kid could still be a kid? Check out this article from the New York Times parenting blog that explores how “…a pre-programmed, enriched, spoon-fed, caged in, ‘checklisted childhood’ … can come at the expense of self-efficacy — a true, innate sense of self that is undermined when a person has too much of the stuff of life planned and handled for them.”

Raising Resilience will be bringing this writer, author Julie Lythcott-Haims, to Bainbridge in February. Her book, How to Raise an Adult was released this month. Stay tuned!

Ways to Raise Entitled Kids

We talk a lot about what builds resilience and independence in children.  Sometimes our best intentions to parent well can backfire. Reading these tongue-in-cheek “tips” made us cringe as we saw our own behaviors Entitled boybrought to light.

What tips do you truly have to help kids be independent without cultivating materialism and anxiety? 

Be a part of the change you wish to see

BHYA_logo (2)This brutal post from a junior high school student in Palo Alto is heartbreaking, and speaks to a lot of what we hear from Bainbridge High School students about stress and pressure.

Let’s do better for our youth on Bainbridge Island. Want to be a part of the change you want to see? Please join us for the fourth Bainbridge Healthy Youth Summit on April 25, 2015.

Tween Territory: Expert Insights (April 11, 2015)

Registration is now open for our Parenting Right in the Middle Spring Forum, called Tween Territory: Expert Insights. We’ve gathered three expert speakers to address topics on the minds of parents of tweens (grades 5 through 8):

Julie Metzger, RN, MN will talk about The Art & Science of Parenting Tweens
Stefanie Thomas, MA, from the Seattle Police Department, will address internet and cell phone safety, and
Dr. Leslie R. Walker, from Children’s Hospital, will talk about risky behaviors and protective factors.

Learn more, and register, here. The forum will be held at Woodward Middle School, starting at 8:30 a.m. (program starts at 9) on Saturday, April 11, 2015. Hope you can join us!

Parenting Right in the Middle: What do Teens/Tweens wish you knew?

PRITM Logo (1)“Do I make you proud?
Do you get me now?
Am I your pride and joy?”
~Brandi Carlile

We are looking forward to our Parenting Right in the Middle event tomorrow night, which will be a panel discussion with young adults and their parents. This video deals with many of the things teens, parents, and families wish they could talk about with each other, and it addresses the importance of building safe attachment during the tween and teen years.

The Why’s Behind Drug Abuse

motherlode-addict-tmagArticleThis is a thought-provoking piece from the New York Times parenting blog on teens and alcohol/drug addiction. “[Teens] don’t use drugs out of a desire to get high, but rather to cope with the stress and anxiety in their lives. Therefore, if we want to keep teenagers from using drugs, we have to help them manage that stress.”

Lots of parents (and other adults) on Bainbridge have been talking about teens and alcohol lately. We look forward to the results of the Healthy Youth Survey, which might lead to some fruitful discussions about keeping our kids safe.

But in the meantime, what can we do about the stress and anxiety — also prevalent on Bainbridge — that may lead to these risky behaviors?

Photo Shaul Swartz, New York Times

Helping the Tricky Social World of Tweens and Teens

PRITM Logo (1)The older our kids become the more their peer group becomes everything to them. Their need to connect with kids their own age is an essential drive to create their own world. It’s the territory in which they explore questions like “Who am I?” and “How do I fit in?” But it can be an emotional roller coaster at times. How can parents help and support their tweens as they cope with these social ups and downs? Here are three articles worth reading.

These articles open up your tween parent lens to consider these social conundrums of the tween-teen developmental world.

From Australian psychologist Dr. Jason Coulson: Helping a Child with Toxic Friend Problems.

From Huffington Post blogger and therapist Signe Whitson: 9 Strategies to Help Kids Cope with Social Exclusion and Friendship Breakups.

And one more, specifically about the middle school boys, written by married authors Joshua Glenn and Elizabeth Foy Larson: The Buddy System: A single close friendship can ease a boy’s passage through middle school. But what if your son can’t find a pal?

Remember, your children need you, even when they don’t show it. Stand by, stay open, and be ready to listen.

This post is part of our Tools for Intentional Parenting (TIPs), through the Parenting Right in the Middle program. Throughout this school year, we will share links via email and this blog. If you would like to receive these TIPs via email, please sign up.

The One Skill Essential for Success

PRITM Logo (1)So what’s more important than SAT scores and grades in predicting good health, income levels and relationship stability in adulthood?

Turns out it’s self-control.  In this article from Dr. Laura Kastner and Kristen Russell, you will learn why self-control — delayed gratification — is so important.

Check out the ways you can help your tween develop and practice this skill, because it does take practice to make it strong and reliable. It takes more practice for some than others. Isn’t that true for everyone? But developing this skill is worth the effort, no matter how much it takes.

This post is part of our Tools for Intentional Parenting (TIPs), through the Parenting Right in the Middle program. Throughout this school year, we will share links via email and this blog. If you would like to receive these TIPs via email, please sign up.


Teen/Tween Behavior

PRITM Logo (1)Here are two great resources for keeping normal tween behavior from setting your hair on fire:

Looking for a way to move through reactivity? This short video helps parents access the Learner’s Mindset – home base for effective parenting.

Looking for concrete ways to build better communication with your tween? Here’s a 12 point list to get you started. You’ve heard it before that the way we communicate with our kids changes everything and creates the kind of relationship we have with them.This article lists behaviors you can practice to build better communication with your tween or teen.

But how do we know what to do and what to say? What helps? What gets in the way?

This post is part of our Tools for Intentional Parenting (TIPs), through the Parenting Right in the Middle program. Throughout this school year, we will share articles, videos and Q&A with experts via email and this blog. If you would like to receive these TIPs via email, please sign up.